Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
