How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
