Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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