Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
