We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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