there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
