Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
