Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
