You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
