I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
