I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
