2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
