thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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