I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
