Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
