I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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