you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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