he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
