i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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