i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I believe in your delicious
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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