Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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