i need an iv and a liver transplant
My balls are so social today.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
