You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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