SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
farters have to be the big spoon...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
