I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
40s are totally the cure
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
