I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
