Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
