Please, let me fuck your mom
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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