I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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