My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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