can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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