From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
