return my video game
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
