Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
