I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
