Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
