Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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