i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
