saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
