made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
