Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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