How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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