oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
