I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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