I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
