just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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