who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
