I faked an abortion last night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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