Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
