six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
